Sow Bellows spent over 30 years teaching remedial English in Chicago high schools before retiring to write and e-publish action adventure novels, many featuring Dirk Portnoy, existentialist soldier of fortune, including My Index Finger is Deadly, Hit Man for Godot, Vengeance is My Illusion, and I Hung the Jury. He is also the author of Ravingstark: A Biography about his childhood friend, the infamous social critic and philosophical raconteur Able Ravingstark.

Noall Chumpsky is chairman of the Linguistic Metaphysics (a field he invented) Department at DeFrocked Institute of Technology and Online University, and the author of Neoconservatism's Unholy Trinity: Noble Lies, Deadly Truths, and Bush League Politics, and most recently, Beating the Heat: Climate Change and the Language of Motion Pictures, which famously begins, "Movie theaters were among the first public buildings to be air conditioned. People have spent almost a century in them escaping reality, both psychic and climactic..."

Cheapact Dopra first achieved notoriety as the author of Uneasy Rider: the Tao of Mopeds, which he claimed was written entirely on coffee-stained fast food restaurant napkins during a five year odyssey of hitchhiking, communal living and occasional homelessness by design. After he acquired an online Doctorate in Naturopathy from the Universal Holistic Life Institute in Epiphany Springs, Arkansas, he became one of the nation's premier purveyors of self-help ebooks and
e-courses, includes his infamous, I'm Ok, But You Suck. He is always available for seminars and life coaching sessions, and may be coming soon to a tourist or business class hotel conference room near you!

Charlie Doze is currently the host of Dreamland with Charlie Doze, an interview podcast he occasionally broadcasts online from his townhouse while wearing nothing but a bathrobe. His trademarked low key and baggy-eyed approach to the art of the interview puts to sleep both his handful of listeners and his guests, including some of the most forgettable and boring authors, political leaders, and celebrities imaginable. He also writes equally somnolent op-eds, and movie and book reviews.

Fancy Graceless is a former Alabama district attorney who became famous for prosecuting the lurid murder trial of a Holiness Pentacoastal preacher accused of murdering his wife "by rattlesnake." Graceless parlayed her newfound fame into a law and order-baiting, ambush reality show tour de force that culminated in her own reality crime cable network, Faux TV (tagline "funny even though its fake"), and a vigorous "faux crime" book career.

Kitschio Kuku is moderator of the world-infamous podcast, Science Fantasia, which he started after retiring from a career teaching biology and physics at a Bronx high school. His ebooks, Physics of the Mind, and The Future of the Impossible, are available everywhere online where questionable torrents are downloaded, and via his relentlessly-plugged blog, which named him one of the "10 smartest people in a room at any random Trekkie convention."

Marshall McClueless is professor and chairman of the Media Studies Department at Muskeg Brewers Community College in Thunderthigh Bay, Canada, and a founding member and director emeritus of the Paris, France based Jerry Lewis Institut pour l'etude avancee du Cinema. His self-published ebooks include, The Blog is the Belief, Blogging to be Ignored, and The Ultimate Insiders Guide to 'The Day the Clown Cried'.

Bill Moron is known for Moron on America, a unique spin zone podcast featuring hardhitting fake news exposes and ambush interviews. He began his infotainment career after college as a storm chasing weatherman for several Oklahoma and West Texas "Action News" stations (which years later inspired a short-lived syndicated talk show Bill Moron's 'A Whirl of Ideas'). After moving to Tinseltown and working as a B-list actor and stand up comedian for several years he hit it big as the host and lead investigative roving anchor for the nationally syndicated tabloid TV show, Outside the Story. He followed that with his own pay cable talk show, Real BS with Bill Moron that featured a rambling, blustery and politically incorrect stand up monologue and roundtable discussions with an eclectic collection of famous and obscure personalities and pundits about timely "culture war" and other inflamatory issues. His most recent best selling ebook, Killing Bill Moron, co-written with former news anchor Brian Brokjob, humorously recounts many of his now known to be inflated or outright ficticious accounts of frequent brushes with death from tornadoes and hurricanes, Central and South American guerrillas and drug dealers, and JFK assassination conspirators.

Camille Pellagra lives up to her namesake, the Categary 5 hurricane that reeked havoc on the "redneck riviera" almost fifty years ago. She pulls no punches. She recently summed up her academic and social gadfly career spanning four decades this way, "I'm a Bernie Bro in an old bra burner's body who would die defending Rush Limbaugh's right to call Sandra Fluke a slut." Ms. Pellagra is currently the Emily Dickenson Distinguished Professor of Creative Writing at Hillsboro College, and her ebooks include: Boobs and Boors: How Men and Women Define Sexual Taboos; Sex, Kitsch, and Politics; The Castrated Classroom: How Post-Structurism Creates an Illiterate Literati, and most recently, Born Eunuchs: Why Some Women Will Always Vote For Misogynists.

Garrulous Preener became famous as the creator, chief writer, and host of the long running nationally syndicated radio program, North Woods Outhouse Sampler (sponsored by Muskeg Malt Liquor). He combined the dark humor of Charles Addams with a soft, smooth voice that deceptively epitomized "upper midwest nice" to feature unforgettable stories and sketches from the town of Bratwurst Bay, Wisconsin ("A short boatride from the Apostle Islands, where the women are ugly, the men uglier, and the children all wear bags over their heads"). Memorable characters included the fisherman Mel aka "Sackashitz" Sackariasen (If he didn't call you a "sonovabitch" within five minutes of first meeting you, he didn't like you), Bob "Pops" Fetterkopf of Pop's Bar & Grill ("down on the center of Bay Street, dockside, next to the gut and filet tables"), Mel's "catch and release" sister Astrid ("Big A") whose "walleyed visage sank a thousand fish tugs," and Russell "RustyBear" Fetterkopf, Bob's son and the town's portly, hirsute, fetish-friendly police chief. Preener's books include the Fish Tales From Bratwurst Bay series, and a memoir, When Fish-Eyed Met Fugly: Spawned and Hatched Under the Northern Lights. In semi-retirement, he writes the blogs, Daily Catch from Bratwurst Bay and RustyBear's Fun Links, and is studying to become a massage therapist.

Able Ravingstark is the Leo Strauss Distinguished Professor of Philosophy and Worldviews at Hillsboro College, and host of the podcast program, The Stark Truth. His self-published ebooks include: Sleepwalking In Sodom: America's Postmodern Nightmare, followed by Let's Give America An Enema: Prying Open the Bowels of Political Correctness and Letting Freedom Flow Again, its sequel, Mind-Felch: How the Forked Tongue of Postmoderism Eats Out Your Brain Without You Even Knowing It, and most recently, Stark, Raving and Able, Reclaiming America One Rant At A Time.

Joseph Scrambled is the Matthew Harrison Brady Distinguished Professor of Popular Culture, Urban Legends, Moral Panics, Folk Devils, and Mythopoetic Studies at Hillsboro College, as well as director of Hillsboro College's Online Studies program. He is best known for his acerbic and popular ebooks, Elmer Gantry: Biography of An American Hero, The False Prophet with a Thousand Faces: From Simon Magus and the Pied Piper to Jim Jones and Ralph Reed, and The Power of Mirth - Comedy Central and News in the Post Truth Era.

Hopra (as in "Hope") Sinfree was born into a west Tennessee sharecropping family of Baptist preachers, and overcame all the real and imaginable odds against her to become the richest woman in Kitsch Nation, and one of its most influential personalities. From her Book Club recommendations to her media empire, which includes a movie studio, a cable tv network, The Hope Channel, and a publishing company, Sinfree's imprint on Kitsch Nation's kultur is universal. If Donald Trump can get himself elected president, is there not hope for Hopra?